My internet introduction...

The first time that I really understood the true scope of the internet, was when I visited my brother during his freshman year of college- which must have been 94 or 95. For those of you that don't know my brother- he has been a full on computer geek since he began kicking his older sibling's arses on Atari. Sometimes I think that part of the reason he has become so freaking successul in the computer/networking arena is just to piss off my mother. Just to "told you so" her for her attempts to get him away from video games!

Anyway- being the good older brother I am- when going to visit Brian at school- I bought a ton of booze, etc. Things I would have killed to have an older brother bring me when I was a freshman. To say that we are different is a bit of an understatement hehehe. While I did eventually get him drunk enough to puke and pass out- the bulk of the weekend was him showing me this "world wide web" I had been hearing about. At that point it was still fairly basic- simple pages that were lists of links to similar pages, poorly scanned encyclopedia photographs, and the piece of resistance: chat rooms.

The first time I encountered a chat room I reacted much like a caveman handed a battery operated vibrator. "This is really possible?!" Typing something at a desk in New Hampshire that was instantly there to read by anyone who knew where to look? I wish that I could remember exactly what was said in my virgin chat conversation. I can only imagine they would belong in the annals of history alongside the first telephone conversation- Thomas Edison's "Mr. Watson -- come here -- I need you." All I remember is that once I grasped these two basic facts- that it was available to be read instantly AND it was to my knowledge completely anonymous- I was hooked. He took me to some IRC type chat room and I began talking trash to anyone and everyone. Every nasty, naughty, vile thing I could think to type was their for Frank, a former HAM radio enthusiast in Oregon, to put in his pipe and smoke. Something along the lines of "Eat me motherfuckers" busted my internet cherry in a big way. My brother was shocked, horrified, and guilt ridden for allowing me to sully such a pristine environment. But just like every other event in our relationship, once he got over that goody two shoes shit he was all about calling Frank a "jerkoff" hehe!

This amusing glance back in time was triggered by finding the URL for a webpage that I had written on the back of a book I found in an old bag of mine. If you used the internet much in the early years- prior to sites like myspace- people had personal pages at places like geocities, lycos, etc- that were just simple lists of their favorite things, each of which was a "link" that you could click on to be transported to another basic two color page with a paragraph or two about the selected topic. It was pretty much like a self guided PowerPoint presentation. In fact, I sat through a tragically dull teacher workshop on how to make them.

As web content grew, it became obvious that other people enjoyed my favorite aspects of the internet. For every page about the history of a local landmark or civic association- there was a site listing favorite ways to piss off mimes or ways to piss off your co-workers. Around that time, I remember finding the "Cool Site of the Day" web page. A source for sharing favorite sites on the net with others. I learned the proper way to make a toga after this dude's webpage was posted. Pages with recipes, book reviews, travel information, etc. were often showcased. Like all other nice ideas- this too was perverted by those of us that didn't give a shit how to make apple crisp, but did want to know how to pick a lock. Enter "Cruel Site of the Day"- which proclaimed itself "The World Wide Web's Bitter Aftertaste". An archive of the darker side of the internet. Profiles in Cowardice, Rants about ex-boyfriends, collected photos of homeless people, and similar landmarks on the net. I quickly became addicted to the daily update at Cruel.com. I would check all day until they announced the chosen site.

I remember it like it was yesterday (but with my shitty memory, this morning is just as hazy)- it was October 1999. I had just finished dinner when I sidled up to my computer to start surfing. This routine usually started with checking email, then head to IMDB.COM for the day's movie industry news, and then over to Cruel.com for the real fun. The site chosen for that day had just been posted. The title of the link was my first clue that this was going to be a doozy. "Thirty Places He Farted" with no further description. Hell- with a title as straight forward as that- no further information was necessary. Clicking on the link, and going to the site- I finally found a page worthy of the honor- FAVORITE. Not because it was flashy or particularly eye appealing. Didn't really open my eyes to anything new or life altering. Just the same- I giggle uncontrollably as I read everything on it. And I kept giggling about it long after I finished. Not only did I print it all so that I would have it with me at all times, I went back to the site every day- for the same giggly effect. The content on the page has not change once since my first visit. Not a single change- aside from the fact that the links no longer work. Despite my complete familiarity with
content- and the "punchlines" long having been committed to memory- I still to this day laugh at all of the same parts. I have tried to figure out why I keep coming back to it- I mean, I love to laugh and have spent a huge part of my life in the pursuit of laughter. There is just something about this page, the vivid memory of that first viewing, whatever- it will always be my favorite website.

So enough of my motor mouth! I could have just put the damn link and see if others experienced the same effect- but it's too late for that now!!! Enjoy- and please- post your comments about it!!


30 Places he Farted